Planes, chains and conquering the Etape
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By James Maloney in General Published: Thursday, 22 July 10 - 10:48 AM (GMT) Last Updated: Friday, 03 September 10 - 09:27 PM (GMT) |
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LIVERPOOL Mercury (Dolan) member Dan Kenyon gives us an indepth look at how he faced down the Col du Tourmalet during this year's Etape.
Fabulous crowds. A bit surreal on the Tourmalet as the torture sets in. A grinning drunk German bloke at Super Bareges with too much breath, a can of beer and a vuvuzela (swine). There was a fun group of skinny shirtless Shameless style Mancs with some Happy Mondays Baggy groove music half way up shouting everyone on. You'll be able you spot them on Thursday as there is a little RV camp of Union Jacks. I recognised another pest from last year. A weird bloke with a sound system van. He looks like Burlesconi and dances around to truly awful camp Euro beat in front of you. "MOi et Tu! TU Et Moi!.." On passing a RV with a bike outside the door opens and a skinny Buster Keaton clone in nothing but red bib shorts and a straw boater climbs out with an iced drink in his hand, sneers at me and flounces off to check the view. All this Dante's Inferno nightmare was cured in the last 100 metres where the road curves slightly to the right so you can't quite see the crest. There was a stunning looking English girl in tight shorts and a very posh husky voice all yearning and pleading "Come on.... Only 100 metres left. You're almost there and done soooo well". I told my wife this and she says I was probably hallucinating...
Looking back I realise I was lucky. After the frustrating enforced walk up the Marie Blanque (sheer weight of traffic) we abandoned any thought of beating last year's times and took it carefully. I still had a shunt with someone just after the Soulor. He threw his chain (lots of that going on the last couple of days..) and went down under my wheels. That was in a village and an allen key sorted my bars out. On the long descent to the valley floor from La Mongie I got a front puncture but was only doing 25mph and had enough straight to brake in a straight line before hitting the next corner and flying off into the gorge.
Scenery - Has to be seen to be believed. Cycle heaven.
More women cyclists this year rather than wall to wall Moaca's - Good.
More wobbly cyclists as well - Bad.
Pau - gorgeous place.
Number of Rapha shirts - down on last year.
Team Sky worship? Well.. After shadowing a set of 4 guys in Sky kit for the last 40 miles. I come around a bend on the Tourmalet and there is an RV with a big "Come On Wiggo" poster with Sky branding and that portrait of Wiggo looking like he's just been goosed. Two girls in Sky kit sitting on chairs and an old white haired coach type (in Sky shirt and trackie bottoms and trainers) waiting to pour water over riders. But not just any riders - only Team Sky clad riders! It's obvious I'm British with a Condor bike and "Dolan" Liverpool Mercury kit but after soaking the Sky rider in front he looks at me; I smile and steer towards him and he frowns and pointedly turns heel! Bloody Groupies... I hope Wiggo tells him to bugger off tomorrow
I did have the satisfaction of the company of my friend who texted me on finishing last year to say it apparently wasn't as bad as I had made out... After I'd stopped for him a few times on the Soulor and he'd begged half of my last energy bar at Super Bareges I made him laugh when he suggested he might not make the finish. "Not sure you can finish??! Oh yes you well will! I told you it was hard but you wouldn't listen would you....? He's done the Marmotte and L2P back to back last year and thought this years' Etape was as hard as the Marmotte. I also spotted my French nemesis's some French club squad with cows on their backs walking for the second year in a row. What is the French for schadenfreude I wonder...
I will definitely go back to the Pyrenees and spend a week doing a climb a day but L' Etape is now over for me. I realise now after 2 in a row that I'm 20 years too late to improve. I could spend every spare minute training and still not get under last years 8.5 hours. It's too much pain with too many other riders to want to do it for the scenery when you can do the ride another time without the stress.
I would however thoroughly recommend anyone doing it once - just for the sheer glamour and spectacle. Some tough Geordie stopped with us at the finish to have his picture taken by us. He then paused and said " I feel like crying..." He was right. It is one of those experiences..
Congratulations to those that took part reading this. David: What a relief - and what a time. Chapeau! I have 10 days in Mallorca booked for next year instead and intend to ride around some hills as a double Etape veteran should. Pretending I'm a contender without actually having to rise out of the saddle and try to prove it anymore.
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